Monday, March 11, 2013

My Asile Uptopia

I love democracy, and I love America. In my opinion, for what it's worth (which is not much), even though Congress may do some stuff that is well intentioned but more often than not goes awry and our soccer team struggles to make the world cup most years, America is pretty awesome. I am definitely blessed to have been born and raised in such a great country. HOWEVER, I think I may go and found my own communist country. (I may be making light of a serious subject here but bear with me please. The message is a good one I think.)

I pity the fool who doesn't this eat cereal
The reason why I want to move is not because I want to set my own tax rate, embezzle hundreds, or have a whole population under my control. No, it is because there are too many goddamn choices in the cereal aisle, and I cannot decide which one is the best and which one I can trust. Is Kashi's "Good Friends" really my friend? Those old people on the front of the box look so sweet. Will Captain Crunch steer me to a healthful lifestyle with its "made with whole grains promise?" (these are obviously rhetorical questions here so no need to respond in the comments unless you want to).

The other day, I went to the Supermarket to pick up some vegetables and walked down aisle 6 (this is the ultimate aisle of temptation: cereals, breakfast pastries, granola bars, and cookies on one side, and sodas and chips on the other. And yes, I still get excited when I go down this aisle and my inner child throws a major hissy fit when I refuse to put Fruit Loops into the cart). I did not count but there had to be over 60 different types of cereal to choose from. Moreover, there are hundred more that have been, for some stupid reason, stopped (my top list :

I have to give major props to the cereal industry for the design of all their boxes.  The labels are catchy and grab your eye (and more importantly your kid or inner kid's eye). Just looking at them makes me want a bowl of cereal. Moreover, all the different colors are enough to give you a seizure. Walking down the aisle is like watching Japanese anime. Even the "healthier" cereals like Special K too are perfectly designed to give the impression of health even though they are still filled with sugar and refined crap.

Unfortunately there are not too many truly healthy cereals out there (some would argue none), and the ones that are remotely so resemble bird food and taste like cardboard. There is a direct relationship too between how boring the outside and the health of the inside. The more boring and simple, the healthier it is. If health conscious companies really wanted to make money and sell cereal then they should start making their boxes look as good as their competitors. Regardless of whether it tastes like sawdust, I would definitely eat more of these healthful cereals if they came with some sort of toy and had games on the back of the box. For example, to get old people to buy Kashi Good Friends, they could offer a free sample of Viagra in each box or to attract the triathlon community, Ezekiel 4:9 could have an "Escape from Alchatraz" maze on the back of the box. However, the chances of companies making this change is as slim as Mary Kate's waist; consequently, I want to create my own communist nation with me as chairman.

In my communist country, the cereal aisle would only have two or three options. Maybe, a brand called Castr-O's ("10 out of 10 party members agree that it's great!" It was 9 out of 10 but the one dissenter suddenly went missing and his replacement agreed too). Or Chairman Crunch (a little red book in every box). Regardless, it would be a healthful cereal without wheat or gluten, sugar-free, preservative free, tastes better with almond milk than regular milk, comes in a recyclable box, and made with organic, sprouted Chia, flax, raw nuts, coconut chips, kale chips, sweet potato crisps, beet bits, sprouted tofu nuggets, and a bunch of other heart healthy stuff (I am actually working on my own recipe for this).

The cereal aisle is only one example of this problem. In all aspects of life it is hard to know whom to trust and which path to follow because there are so many options. Whether it is the cereal aisle, a nutrition program, a training plan, or a path to enlightenment.  Having one option would certainly make life easier Just one choice that you know you can trust that its the best thing for me. No doubts that it was made with child labor or from baby seals. A guarantee that if you do "X" you will get "Y" (and "Z" too) eventually.

However, in this life , there is nothing certain, no guarantees, or one plan that works for everyone. Which is why all you can do is do your research with an open mind, then take a leap of faith, trust your  decision, and chose one cereal box. Hopefully, Count Chocula will not be a cruel despot...but thats just my two watts.

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