"Where you at?"

I am the one hidden behind the guy in the white shirt.  Notice the Batman socks.

Race season is almost here! In just under two weeks, I will be traveling down to Galveston, Texas to race the 70.3 there. This will be the first race of the season for me, which makes me nervous.

The race is one giant question mark. Having not raced since November (my local 10k Turkey Trot) and having not done a complete 70.3 since Word championships in September, I am not sure where I am at physically and how well I am going to do, my age group is a stacked with plenty of stellar athletes from across the country and some international blokes also making an appearance. The caterpillars of doubt, who have been wrapped up snuggly in their cocoons since last year,  are starting to emerge as butterflies in my stomach (and I still have two weeks left till race day!). My feelings of doubts and nerves hit me particularly hard and it felt like there was a mass hatching yesterday during my long run followed by a local 5k.


I typically like to listen to podcasts on my zone 2 runs and, especially, the Rich Roll podcast. Today, however, although the podcast was playing, my mind was miles away in Texas. "Who was going to be at Galveston?...Are they faster than I am?...I bet they are...There is no chance I will race well...I haven't ridden outside in months, just miles on the trainer...I am simply not ready...maybe I don't have what it takes..." and so forth. I noticed that with each successive thought I was pushing my pace and my heart rate began to creep up. Then, as if in response, Rich (we are on a first name basis because we are bff being both from the Bethesda area) said (and I am paraphrasing here):

"You shouldn't train where you want to be or where you think you should be. You have to train where you are at."

Once again Rich has it right. I cannot get caught up about where I want to be rather, I have to accept where I am at currently and train at that level. There is no point in pushing yourself to a level that you are not capable--at that time. I  would love  to swim like Andy Potts, bike like Chris Leito, and run like Pete Jacobs, but I am not there right now. That is not to say that I will never get there; I hopefully will but that is in the future and thus unknown. What is known though is that I am progressing in some manner, which is far better than regressing.

Later on that day during my 5k (more on the race later), Rich's words continued to resonate with me. I definitely was not the fastest one there but that was alright. As the lead group slowly pulled farther and farther ahead of me, I just let them race. I was pushing my pace to the maximum (check out that heart rate!) and that is all I could ask for. I may have been faster in the past but that was me then and this is me NOW.

You can see where Rich's Intervention

I finished the race with the time in 18:20, which is a pretty solid result given that I had run 17 before (18 if you include warmup), and the course was .25miles  long.

Taking it to volume 11. 

Those are excuses. Even if I had not run before or the course was different, I should be pleased with that time because I know I pushed myself to my (current) max...but thats just my two watts.

Bring it, Galveston!

My Asile Uptopia

I love democracy, and I love America. In my opinion, for what it's worth (which is not much), even though Congress may do some stuff that is well intentioned but more often than not goes awry and our soccer team struggles to make the world cup most years, America is pretty awesome. I am definitely blessed to have been born and raised in such a great country. HOWEVER, I think I may go and found my own communist country. (I may be making light of a serious subject here but bear with me please. The message is a good one I think.)

I pity the fool who doesn't this eat cereal

The reason why I want to move is not because I want to set my own tax rate, embezzle hundreds, or have a whole population under my control. No, it is because there are too many goddamn choices in the cereal aisle, and I cannot decide which one is the best and which one I can trust. Is Kashi's "Good Friends" really my friend? Those old people on the front of the box look so sweet. Will Captain Crunch steer me to a healthful lifestyle with its "made with whole grains promise?" (these are obviously rhetorical questions here so no need to respond in the comments unless you want to).

The other day, I went to the Supermarket to pick up some vegetables and walked down aisle 6 (this is the ultimate aisle of temptation: cereals, breakfast pastries, granola bars, and cookies on one side, and sodas and chips on the other. And yes, I still get excited when I go down this aisle and my inner child throws a major hissy fit when I refuse to put Fruit Loops into the cart). I did not count but there had to be over 60 different types of cereal to choose from. Moreover, there are hundred more that have been, for some stupid reason, stopped (my top list : http://xfinity.comcast.net/slideshow/finance-cerealstoosweetolast/9/).

I have to give major props to the cereal industry for the design of all their boxes.  The labels are catchy and grab your eye (and more importantly your kid or inner kid's eye). Just looking at them makes me want a bowl of cereal. Moreover, all the different colors are enough to give you a seizure. Walking down the aisle is like watching Japanese anime. Even the "healthier" cereals like Special K too are perfectly designed to give the impression of health even though they are still filled with sugar and refined crap.

Unfortunately there are not too many truly healthy cereals out there (some would argue none), and the ones that are remotely so resemble bird food and taste like cardboard. There is a direct relationship too between how boring the outside and the health of the inside. The more boring and simple, the healthier it is. If health conscious companies really wanted to make money and sell cereal then they should start making their boxes look as good as their competitors. Regardless of whether it tastes like sawdust, I would definitely eat more of these healthful cereals if they came with some sort of toy and had games on the back of the box. For example, to get old people to buy Kashi Good Friends, they could offer a free sample of Viagra in each box or to attract the triathlon community, Ezekiel 4:9 could have an "Escape from Alchatraz" maze on the back of the box. However, the chances of companies making this change is as slim as Mary Kate's waist; consequently, I want to create my own communist nation with me as chairman.

In my communist country, the cereal aisle would only have two or three options. Maybe, a brand called Castr-O's ("10 out of 10 party members agree that it's great!" It was 9 out of 10 but the one dissenter suddenly went missing and his replacement agreed too). Or Chairman Crunch (a little red book in every box). Regardless, it would be a healthful cereal without wheat or gluten, sugar-free, preservative free, tastes better with almond milk than regular milk, comes in a recyclable box, and made with organic, sprouted Chia, flax, raw nuts, coconut chips, kale chips, sweet potato crisps, beet bits, sprouted tofu nuggets, and a bunch of other heart healthy stuff (I am actually working on my own recipe for this).

The cereal aisle is only one example of this problem. In all aspects of life it is hard to know whom to trust and which path to follow because there are so many options. Whether it is the cereal aisle, a nutrition program, a training plan, or a path to enlightenment.  Having one option would certainly make life easier Just one choice that you know you can trust that its the best thing for me. No doubts that it was made with child labor or from baby seals. A guarantee that if you do "X" you will get "Y" (and "Z" too) eventually.

However, in this life , there is nothing certain, no guarantees, or one plan that works for everyone. Which is why all you can do is do your research with an open mind, then take a leap of faith, trust your  decision, and chose one cereal box. Hopefully, Count Chocula will not be a cruel despot...but thats just my two watts.

Tom Fleming is full of it

I grew up with the motto:

"Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win."

Tom Fleming's Boston Marathon Training Motto 

Tom Fleming: Great Runner but not always right

I loved this expression in high school because it gave me such motivation to train. Whenever I would feel tired or not in the mood to lace up my running shoes, I would remember this quote, and it would instantly drive me outside or to the gym to do a workout. As I ran, I could envision my rivals (some of them my own teammates) beating me. "I cannot lose to him" I would think to myself. "I MUST keep pushing."

This overly competitive attitude got and occasionally continues to get me into trouble. It drove me to disregard how I was feeling and the condition of my body, and instead overtrain to the point of exhaustion and beyond. I could not let go of the fear of losing and even worse being thought of as a loser. I needed that external validation for my efforts and therefore could not allow anyone to come between me a the podium. If somewhere out there someone is training to beat me, then I have to train even harder to beat him. Writing this makes me sound like an absolute jerk, but please don't judge me. I promise I have matured since my prepubescent high school days even though I still cannot grow facial hair.  

This mentality also sucked all the joy out of training and racing. Instead of training for the pure internal joy and pleasure of running, I was running for, or I should say from, an external and more importantly imaginary fear.

In my mind, my rivals were just like me. They would go for runs and think to themselves: "I have to beat Chris Hague this year. He has to go down." In reality though they were running because they enjoyed it. I highly doubt they even thought about me. Only I was freaking out about them and not the other way around. I therefore was stressed for no reason.

When illness or injury struck, which was bound to happen given how stupid I was training and how much I was stressing, the anxiety only got worse. Since I was on the sidelines feeling like crap and literally watching myself through my skewed mental goggles getting slower, more unfit, and fatter, it drove me up the wall to see others race circles around me.

Being partially sick this past week and still recovering from whatever horrible bug or influenza that I had has made me think again about this quote. As I lay in my bed coughing up multi colored mucus, I kept on beating myself up about not being able to train. "Everyone is going to get ahead of you" that little nagging voice inside of me said. "You NEED to get into the pool...You were slow already but now you are going to be even slower." The more I stressed the worse I felt, and the downward spiral continued.

In the middle of this fever, it finally occurred to me that this quote is deeply flawed.  The first part is true. There is undoubtedly someone in the world training right now, but when I race him (s)he might win and (s)he might lose. Regardless, both situations are unknown and thus uncontrollable and thus should not be part of my mental consideration or angst. If (s)he does win, good for him/her; his winning has no impact on how I perform. It is not like if I come in second place, 5 minutes will be added to my time. Moreover, if I try to push myself through this sickness, (s)he will of course beat me; there is no way I can perform my best in this current state. Doing half ass workouts will only prolong this bug and how bad I feel. The only way I am going to get back to full speed, health, and quality training is to get better. The focus has to be on me and never on anyone else.

In triathlon, there are only three competitors: you, your watch, and your own preset and false expectations...but that's just my two watts.

Gangs of Nutrition

If you get all of us together, we ain't got a gang, we've got an army.

The streets of Nutirtion are rough. The city itself has several boroughs and each controlled by rival gangs, of which the loyalty and devoutness of the gang members put the Hell's Angels, Black Panthers, MS-13, Bloods, Crips, and KK to shame.

Like any gang, there are different layers of membership with those who loosely follow the rules of the street on the outskirts, but once you get into the inner circles, people can get very extreme going as far as tattooing their loyalty on their arms (or at least wearing t-shirts or having bumper stickers like "Yes, Vegetarians do eat animal crackers," "I eat vegetarians," and "Get your Grock on!"). Moreover,  they all fight for territory in the supermarkets, blogosphere, podcasts, and scientific journals. Drive-bys occur frequently as another "scientific" study or book takes down the research of another. They all seem to be at odds with each other and truce does not seem to be on the horizon. Consequently, I am here to ask "can't we all just get along?"

Earlier this year, when I was thinking about moving boroughs, I sat down with several of the gang leaders (at least met with them in my mind and tried to reconcile all the differences.

The Butcher

I met with:

• The Double Ps  from the north side (Primal and Paleo)--a rough but strong group who runs their business out of grass fed butcher shops usually. 

• The Vegs (vegans, vegetarians, and fruitarians) who are the loudest of the bunch. They like to drag race hybrids but are also known to lead raids on Zoos and vandalize Fast Food joints. If you cross them, you may get tofu brick heaved through your window.   

• The Ketoes (those in dietary ketosis and low carbers) from the south side who are notorious cereal killers. These guys some time team up with the Double Ps. You think Dr. Atkin's died because he slipped on ice? Think again. They also like to mark their territory with the spray paint has tag "nsng "(no sugar, no grains) 
• Biohackers- a very scientific group that espouses that they are bullet proof. 
• The SAD mafia (standard American diet--this was a tough group to get a hold of. They currently control Tammany Hall and have tons of money backing them. I was a little worried that dealing with them would be dangerous. If I did not watch my step I would wake up one morning with ketchup all over my sheets and a dead horse head next to me (the body was used for some English burgers--too soon?). They also control the pharmaceutical industry and push anti-obesity drugs. Halfway through my moderation, they left the table "to go for a lunch" and never returned.

The Godfather himself

They may disagree a lot but here is what I heard as what they agree on (with the exception of the mafia of course):

• Dark leafy green vegetables are good. Other vegetables and fruit are debatable depending on their glycemic load and index
• Protein is important but not too much (the source of protein is a sticking point)
• N64 is much better than the Wii with the best game being Golden Eye and Mario Cart '64
• Exercise is good (how much and the type is debated hotly) 
• Healthy fats found from sources like avocados are good 
• The less processed the food the better
• Moderation is critical to any diet
• The best diet is that which you can sustain for a lifetime
• Fad diets are not sustainable. 
• Sweets should be limited if not eliminated (what defines a sweet is debatable).
• Science backs their point of view
• The "Rocky" movies get better with each instalment with the exception of Rocky V, where the kid ruins everything. 

The list maybe longer but these are the ones I came up with (if you have other similarities, please comment).The above list is pretty solid advice but the devil is in the details.

I am not sure which borough I want to live in right now. I am still moving between them to see which one I like and works best for me. For now, I like living in the suburbs of moderation and experimentation. 

As I listen to more podcasts and read more blog posts from the gang leaders, the tensions between these groups seems to be on the rise. I have therefore come up with a solution:

I would really like to see a WWF style (that is the World Wrestling Federation not, for hippie, tree-huggers like me,  World Wildlife Foundation, or, If Alec Baldwin is reading this, Words with Friends ),  "winner-takes-all," to the death, Monday Night smack down cage fight between all the diet gangs out there. 

Who do you think would win? 

Wearing Speedos with Morrie

Every Tuesday, I go and have lunch with an old Professor who teaches me valuable life lessons about transcending the junk that pop culture spews out and instead focusing living life to the fullest.

Alright, so that is a downright lie, but it sounded nice? I will be honest: I do not have a friend named Morrie (never met anyone named Morrie actually) nor do we hang out on Tuesdays (hanging out? Who has time to hang out on Tuesdays? That's when The Bachelor debuts!). I also do not bring him food (I would eat it on the way if I did).

However, I do have a great friend whom I meet with frequently when times (more like training, work and stress) are getting tough and I need someone to talk some sense into me. While he is not on his death bed (he is actually my age and an elite triathlete), he still has a great outlook on life and keeps me sane.  Since we are the same age, have the same aspirations in and passion for triathlons, and struggle to balance training, work, and in his case (unfortunately not mine), a girlfriend, we can definitely relate to each other's problems.

In addition to discussing the latest race technology and training strategies, we often commiserate about how we arrive to work exhausted after two long morning workouts; how we sometimes have to skip workouts because of other commitments; and, how aerohelmet wearing, "70.3" bumper sticker touting, weekend warriors on their $10,000 bikes going only 12mph while riding the bull horns are taking over the sport of triathlon and taking away race slots from "real athletes" (only joking about that last one! I actually do not believe that at all but thought I would throw that in there for kicks, farts, and giggles).

Last weekend, while eating our Whole Foods sushi and salad bar bowls (we both have a diagnosed addiction to both), we got to talking about the race season. I told him that lately I have been stressing out (like always) about my upcoming race in San Juan and how my performance will be this year. I was getting anxious and worked up just talking about it. In the middle of my worries about whether I will be fast enough or good enough to make the podium and get my pro card this year. He looks at me from across the table and with a mischievous smile asks: "So which race are you going to rock the Speedo at?"

My anxiety instantly evaporated and I smiled back: "All of them of course." In my anxiety, I had forgotten the most important part of why I do this sport: to have fun.

These will go perfectly with my Wattie kit

In this crazy sport with its expensive bikes, elaborate training plans, and  crazy nutrition cults, it is easy to take ourselves way too seriously. We get caught up in all the junk and forget the basic roots. As my friend "Morrie" reminded me, when it comes to racing and training all we can and should do is go out there and have fun. Whether it is racing in Speedos, splashing team mates in the pool, rocking aviators on the bike, or wearing Batman socks with capes on them (most if not all of these will be part of my racing kit this year at one race or another guaranteed), every once in a while (or everyday) you need to step back, take a deep breath, smile, and be thankful for the ability to be active and participate in such a great sport...but that is just my two watts.  

 
 

Training in a Vacuum

To Post or Not to Post?

A few days ago a friend of mine posted on Facebook his distaste for posts about personal workouts. I see this all the time on all forms of social media and occasionally do it myself. People like posting how long they went, personal records, if they struggled or not, whether they threw up at mile 10. With apps that allow us to easily share our data and workouts in real time, this posting is becoming increasingly common.

A short while later, another friend posted her distaste about how people (specifically those "recovering" from eating disorders) post before and after pictures of themselves getting "beach body ready" and losing weight. She wrote, and I agree to some extent, that those who do this are still in the grips of the eating disorder and masking their eating disorder with the excuses that they are just trying to "get healthy" or "getting in shape."

Online social media is not the only place where this happens. I get people at the store who, when asked about the weather, will somehow link it back to how they just completed an awesome workout that left them completely drained. Some see all of these types of sharing as gloating, bragging, and obnoxious, but it is completely normal in my opinion.

While these three types are all different situations and are unrelated topics (I AM NOT SAYING ALL ATHLETES HAVE EATING DISORDERS!!!!), they come back to the underlying need for external validation of our efforts. 

In many situations, I see this type of posting as people being insecure about what they have done or the training that they are doing. They are insecure about their efforts and whether their accomplishments are "good enough." I can sympathize. I periodically feel like I am not training enough or training too slowly or slacking even though I am following the training program to the letter. This lack of trust can completely derail your training.

Similarly, when posting pictures, we are asking others whether we look good or are skinny enough. We want others to confirm that we are looking good, getting faster, and are really an athlete.

It also shows an ingrained need to compare ourselves to others. As athletes, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others not only in race but also in practice. We do not even need to know the person. Personally, whenever I see an athlete working out, my mind immediately begins to churn with comparisons: "Is he a potential rival?...How fast is he going?...He looks pretty good; I hope he is not in my age group...His form looks a bit off...he most likely could beat me. He looks so good; I wonder what training plan he does..." When I see people post how much exercise they do for the day, I automatically compare what I did that day. "Wow, he exercised a lot more than I did. Maybe I should pick up my training...His metrics are so much better than mine."  I am no biologist, but evolutionarily, this reaction seems ingrained. We may no longer be competing against each other to survive but we still find a need to beat that damn weekend warrior with his race wheels and TT helmet going 15mph down the road on the bull horns (you know exactly whom I am talking about and, yes, I am still trying to beat him).

I have had to work hard to override my initial reaction of fear. When I get those pangs of self doubt and training insecurities, I have to remind myself that I am on the best training course for me at this present moment. I am exactly where I need to be and as long as I keep moving forward and stay on my course I will get to where I am going. Time does not matter because this is a life long journey with many waypoints and "no end." To quote Bilbo Baggins, (yes, my inner nerd is shinning and I am going to have to give myself a wedgie for this one), "The road goes ever on and on down from the door from it began.." Training is an individual journey where everyone goes at their own pace and trying to change lanes and tailgate another athlete (and texting while doing it too) will only lead to a crash.

Moreover, when a simple tweet and Facebook post only gives half the story. I do not know their training history, how long they have been in the sport, and therefore I cannot and should not compare myself to another who may have more experience, time, or talent. That does not make my training worse or their's better. It means that they are on their own road, and so am I.

The same applies to pictures of people attempting to get into their "beach body shape." If done with the wrong motives then it can be incredibly unhealthy. Some people post because they are begging for attention. They want external validations for their efforts; for people to tell them they are too skinny or that they need to eat more. These types of comments were trophies in my anorexic mind. When people said this, I knew I was doing things "right." At the same time, I think they are also posting to have people tell them they look good. They are insecure with their own image and, therefore, want others to soothe the self-doubt and tell them they look good. If and when I post pictures of myself, I do not want people to comment that I look good; they can keep their comments to themselves for all I care (and it would be better too if they did). Instead I post to show people that I am healthy and happy.

Not all sharing and posting are evil. I would go as far as to say that it can be beneficial when done with the right motives. For me, seeing other triathletes' workouts gives me ideas about ways I can improve my own training and workouts that I can try out. Moreover, when I see an athlete accomplish a great workout, I know that I can do it too. When I post workouts, which I try to limit as much as possible, I hope that I too can inspire another athlete or give them ideas.

Regardless, before I post or tell someone about a workout, I think to myself: "If no one in the world would know, would I continue to train? Would I train in a vacuum?" If I answer yes, then I can share if not I let it be. Once I am training for external validation and praise, I need to get out of this sport and become a bodybuilder, which would be quite a sight...but that is my two watts.

February's Perfect Storm

This year, both "Fat Tuesday" and Valentine's day fall in the same week. Traditionally, both of these holidays have nothing to do with each other. The former is a celebration--dare I say a final binge (alcohol, sweets like King Cake, and pancakes)--before the season of Lent begins during which we refrain from these "temptations" so that we can completely focus our relationship with God (Please note that I am turning this into a religious post. I am just giving you a refresher on the roots of Fat Tuesday beyond the Mardi Gras celebrations, beads, Bourbon Street, and Girls Gone Wild Part XXX. For clarity, I am not very religious at all to be honest but I will discuss that tomorrow). The latter holiday, which I talked about yesterday, was created as a way to celebrate and recognize our loved ones and what they mean to us in honor of St. Valentine who was martyred for performing marriages (leave it to Halmark to dig up some esoteric saint and make millions off him). While both these holidays have Christian origins, they currenetly share the practice of major indulgence. On both days, we celebrate with lots of sweets, alcohol, and processed carbohydrates.


Ironically, in the midst of both these binge fests, we added another "holiday" into the mix, National Eating Disorder Awareness Month. These three events all seem to conflict with each other. On the one side we have two holidays marked by massive eating of pancakes and chocolate and on the other a recognition of the disease of anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, and overall people's problem with body image and its relationship to eating. I, however, think all three go perfectly together in a sweet and spicy way.

Having gone through two separate bouts of the eating disorders (see my 110lb journey tab for a more detailed story), it's hard for me to look at a box of chocolate or a stack of pancakes without feeling guilty. I do not even have to eat one and the pangs of anxiety come back that leave me reaching for my gym card and looking at my body in the mirror. Even though I would say that my ED (Eating Disorder not erectile dysfunction) is in remission, old habits die hard. I struggle therefore with holidays like Fat Tuesday and Valentines Day where food seems to be the center of attention.

Take it off!!!

This year, in light of National Eating Disorder Awareness Month, I am approaching both these holidays though from a new, healthful perspective. I am looking at Fat Tuesday as it was historically (without the religious undertones per se). Like it was back in the middle century pre-Bourbon street (I personally think there was always a Bourbon street), it is a holiday of introspection and self cleaning. I am looking at what in my life is distracting me from a closer relationship to others and to myself and asking myself what in my life I need to put back into balance. Is there anything in particular that I am overindulging in? For some this may indeed be fat and sugar. For others it maybe Facebook and Twitter. I am still thinking where the "fat" that I need to trim in my life. Chances are though it will not be on my body.

I am approaching Valentine's Day in a similar way. The roots of the holiday, away from the weeds of Halmark and Hershey's, are fairly strong. It is a day to celebrate the person you love. This year, therefore, since I have no girlfriend or valentine (Ladies, there is still time), my body is going to be my Valentine. I am going to wake up on Thursday and give myself a big hug then I am going to make it a nourishing breakfast in bed to thank it for all that it does for me. I may neglect it sometimes and not give it the recognition it deserves, but on this Valentine's day I am really going to treat it the way it deserves (Note though that breaking it down in a killer workout is NOT considered abuse). Even if I do indulge in one chocolate, it will not kill my body. In fact that one piece maybe a good thing but thats just my two watts.

Tomorrow I will discuss Lent and how my what my secular Lenten disciplines will be, so stayed tuned!