I've moved! If you want to see the latest go to chrishagueracing.com

Is that a plus?

You can also read this at my newly launched website, chrishagueracing.com. Until I get that sight fully operational, I am going to be continuing to post on this website as well.

Occasionally, I will take a break from blogging about training and triathlon and branch into body image and psychological distortions. This post is one of those. It has nothing to do with triathlon, racing, gear, or training, but still is an important issue to discuss in my opinion.

If you are a Disney-raised kid like me, you can most likely list off the majority of Disney princesses:
From right to left (see if you can do this by memory): Cinderella, Belle, Mulan, Arial, Rapunzel, Jasmine, Snow White, Pocahontas, Tiana, Aurora.

Look at the line up and while they have become more ethnically and racially diverse since Snow White first appeared, they nevertheless share one common trait: unnatural body composition, which is the polite way of saying busty, hour glass, frames that make young boys swoon.

Recently, a high school junior started an online petition for Disney to include a plus size princess in its line up. Similar to how people advocated for stronger female protagonists (no more damsel in distress and dumb blondes) and a more diverse showing, she is asking that Disney get away from the thin, Barbie style projection of what a woman "should" look like and instead have a plus size princess. According to her (and research supports this), girls need a self-confident, realistic, plus size role model to look up to especially since they are assaulted with air brushed images of perfect women in every other media outlet.

Similar to Barbie, Disney princesses may be sending a bad message to young women about how women look. I remember one feminist group made a life sized Barbie that was exactly proportional to the dolls; it could not stand on its own because its breasts made it too top heavy and its waist was too thin. If you look again at the picture above, the princesses have a similar, unnatural, bodily proportions. Are we sending the message to young children that to be a princess, get prince charming, and have a "fairytale life," you also need to be thin?

I am not sure though that having a plus sized all for getting rid of body expectations in the media. In fact it could send the wrong message. Yes, girls and boys as well should not grow up with unrealistic ideals about what a body "should be" or look like. At the same time, though, children should not grow up with the idea that it is alright to be unhealthfully overweight.

To prevent either from occurring, the responsibility lies not only in companies but also and more heavily on the the parents. Parents need to take an active role in educating their children on what is real and what is not real. These are cartoons and fairytales, and parents need to tell their children such. Growing up with an delusional body ideal is just as dangerous as delusional ideas about how the world works.

How can parents encourage healthier body image perspectives in kids? I am not entirely sure but simple things can go a long way:

• Demonstrating a healthy relationship with food (eating and enjoying vegetables)
• Demonstrating a healthy relationship with exercise 
• Not pushing your diet onto your kids
• Respecting your own body through exercise. Kids will see this and model it themselves
• Avoiding fat shaming comments
• Model healthful and mindful eating (actually eating at least one meal a day with them at a table without technology present instead of pushing a cereal bar in their face as you rush out the door to school or sports practice) 
• Keeping healthful foods in the house (this is not to say that you should demonize junk food, which will only backfire because kids will find a way to get junk food and binge on them when they go to friend's houses). 
• Show that occasional treats are OK but make sure they stay as treats (i.e. not everyday) 

Now I am not a parent nor am I telling you how to raise your kids, but it is impossible to avoid and shelter your kids from all the negative and distorted images in the world. It is possible though to give them  the right mindset to dicier for themselves what is real, healthy, and beautiful, and what is just a fairytale...but that is just my two watts.

Summertime Happiness

I have no idea what Lena Del Ray was talking about, but summertime sadness does not exist. As of last Friday, I am a free man. No more class prep, grading, pesky kids, or parent-teacher conferences for two whole months, which means I will not have a lot of time on my hands. To me, more free time means more training time. Since the first time since college, I will be able to focus on nothing but training, eating, and sleeping without having to rush a workout to get to work. So what do I have planned? Like a kid on Summer Break, a bunch!

This will be a great time to focus on the things I have neglected because I do not have enough time during the school year. I will be able to focus not only on training more but more importantly on recovery with extra sleep, stretching, foam rolling, and meditation exercises (like yoga, journaling, etc). Although I would say that I have successfully adapted to waking up at 2am to swim, sleeping in a bit will be nice. As I have said before there is no point in training like a pro if you cannot recover like a pro. But what does training like a pro mean?

That is a hard question to answer since all the pros train differently because, well, their bodies are different. Some thrive on 15 hours a week while other push the limits of 25-35 hours. It all depends on injury tendency, years in the sport, sport specific strengths/weaknesses, and other commitments. Both strategies obviously work for them; they are professionals for goodness sake and wouldn't be if they did not know how their bodies work and what training works best for them.

In my personal dictionary, "training like a pro" means focusing 100% on training and recovery without other significant job/life obligations. This definition obviously differs from pro to pro and athlete to athlete, I encourage you to define it yourself.

For me this summer, my training will look like this:

• Training 20-30hrs a week (what this breaks down to in swim/bike/run/strength hours, intensity, and sleep we will find out) with a recovery week or half week thrown in periodically. This is where my coach comes in. She knows her stuff and I trust her 100%, which means I do not have to worry too much about tearing myself apart. She reads my data like a NASA scientist and knows exactly when the red lights start to flash even a day before my body registers it. 
• Doing at least 2hrs of strength a week
• Sleeping 8+ hrs a night and a daily nap 
• 20-30 minutes a day of mobility, stretching, and core strength

While having so much free time is nice, I do like constancy and structure; I thrive on it. Free time is dangerous for me both mentally and physically. When I have large unstructured blocks my mind begins to chatter and usually begins to drift towards negativity, so I need to create a schedule. As my father always said: "Idle hands are the devil's playground." (Fits with him being a minister and brought up in Dutch tradition).

Now this does not mean that I am trying to cover up fears, doubts, and problems with mindless activities; I am not running away from anything. Rather, I am tackling goals and task head on by setting out blocks of times to do one activity and focus just on that including meditation, self-analysis, and improvement.

Here is what my schedule will look like:

• 4am: Wake up, coffee, and train 
• 7am: Stretch and foam roll followed by breakfast
• 8-11: Blog and write, more coffee
• 11ish: Lunch followed by a nap
• 2:30: Train again, core work, and more stretching, recovery snack 
• Random activity having nothing to do with health, fitness, triathlon, or anything else
• 6:30 Dinner
• Bed

This will obviously change from day to day depending on what my coach has me doing, but this will at least give me an outline to follow. Note that I included time to completely get my mind off training at least for a little bit. This is important so that I do not burn out.

In my next blog I am going to be talking about goal setting which is important to take into consideration for goal setting, so stay posted.


Now, onto my summer plans (this is an update for family and friends so feel free go back to work now):

First off, I will be spending the rest of June in the Devil's bum hole also known as Phoenix. Training will be done in the early morning and late night to keep out of the heat of the day which will be a nice and toasty 100+ degrees. I have a three week build that will be concluded with VO2 max test on the trainer and treadmill as well as another DEXA scan. I had this done back in January (74 ml/(kg*min))  and March (7.6% BF) respectively so it should be interesting to see my numbers again after some good, quality volume.


 I will then be traveling to San Diego for three weeks where I will be doing another training block partially under the guidance of my coach and hopefully with my other Wattie teammates. I am looking forward to some cooler weather, open water ocean swims, and adjusting to California life.

After some "California love," I am returning to my roots back east and flying to DC then driving up with my Momma Bear to Mount Desert Island, ME, paradise on earth especially for an athlete. I spent my summer months there as a child, and I try to return every summer to recharge my batteries. Being on the boarder of Acadia National Park, it has some of the best running trails (crushed, gravel bridal paths). While I will be renting a bike and will have access to the ocean, I will be focusing on my run and there is no better place to. A wonderful place to get in touch with my "Chi" on top of a mountain looking over the Ocean after running up Cadillac mountain.

I then fly back to DC for two hours then back to Cali, where I will pack up my bike and fly to Bend for an epic Wattie Camp sponsored by 10 Barrel Brewing Co., Speedfil, Herbalife, ISM saddles, and coached by none other than Flannigan and Black Dragon Coaching, a bad ass if there ever was one. After I have HTFU and been whipped into Wattie ink. shape, I am "going back to Cali" for two more weeks then on to LA LA land to prep for my new job--a math teaching position at a private school in Hollywood.

Yes I know this is another move--the third in 2 years, but hopefully this will be the last one for a long time. Moving has taken a big toll on my training because I thrive on consistency and little stress. Fortunately this move is going to be a breeze compared my others because of my significantly decreased wardrobe and amount of stuff.

Welcome to the next episode....

The Golden-linings Playbook

This year has been a series of unfortunate events when it has come to racing. Getting food poisoning the night before the PF Changs half marathon in January, only to pull my left hip flexor the week of the Phoenix marathon, made me cancel my two early season A races. That pull turned into a nasty case of tendinitis that I am just now recovering from. The pull really messed with me physically and mentally in addition to restructuring my whole racing year. However, that pull has transformed me for the better. Let me explain from the beginning....

Since October I have put on a significant amount of muscle, which has seriously hurt my run.  As I lost my runner's body, I slowed down significantly. My body simply was not used to carrying and cooling so much extra weight. This was tough to deal with mentally because I felt that I was losing my strength. I felt like the one leg of triathlon that I know I could do well in was lost. I was determined to get my run and my run times back, so I would stupidly pushed myself more on easy runs and forgot the basic joys of running. When I was was not getting faster, I just pushed myself more.

Then the injury happened and I landed on the couch unable to work on the one thing I wanted to improve. Since focusing on what you can't do, only made matters worse, my coach and I focused on what I could do. Injuries have their own timeline, and all I could do was be smart and let my body take its time. Rushing back would do me no favors, which left me with a decision to make: what was I going to do with my Eagleman and Boulder?

I love racing, and not racing kills me inside. Moreover, these were two big races that I hoped would launch me into the next level of competition, but I knew that if I left them on the schedule and tried to train for them, I would continue to train injured and not be able to recovery fully. Instead I would limp along at 66% getting nowhere and not improving my run, which is what I really wanted. I therefore had to pull the plug and take them off the calendar. It was a tough call but a wise one. Without those races looming over of me, I did not feel rushed or pressure to get back to training. I also did not have to worry about the dreaded scarlet letters, DNF. I could focus on my recovery and getting stronger instead of stressing about the start line. Those races will be there next year as well and I am even stronger and can give them 110%.

Such a call made all the difference. Stress free training is the best training, and it has shown in not only my run but also my swim and bike, which would not have improved if I had not taken some time off running. Now, I am just getting back to running and I feel great both in actually being able to run (regardless of times) and injury free. I have to be patient though or I will relapse. That means I have to remember to be conservative on my runs, not push my times, and stitch/foam roll/mobilize after. My splits will come back naturally and with consistency. If this means going off feel and telling my Garmin to shut up, then so be it.

Comparing myself to what I ran to before is stupid, irrational, and illogical. This is a golden opportunity to remake myself not back into a runner, but into a triathlete. As my friend pointed out, I have 12 years of running muscle memory built up in my legs and that will not go away with more muscle or weight. What I have to do now is get my legs used to running with more weight and apply some WD-40 to kick off the rust. It will take time but time I have.

To summarize, here is what I have gained from being injured:

1. Don't take your frustrations out in training especially easy runs; it will only lead to injury. 
2. When injury does come, focus on what you can do and not on what you cannot. I focused on improving my swim efficiency and boosting my FTP, both of which I did. 
3. Recognize that you can not will or force recovery; it is on its own independent timeline. Pushing though pain achieves very little
4. Use your injury to come back stronger so the same injury does not occur again. Injuries are stepping stones for growth. 
5. Racing can wait. If you race injured and have to stagger across the finish line or DNF then you will only make your self more frustrated. 
6. Consistency is essential when making a come back. It is better to make small steps consistently than large steps that make you then make you take some steps backward
7. Focus more on feel and the times will follow. Forget about the numbers and just enjoy being back at running 
8. Trust the process

Rule Number II: Trust the program

For you nerds out there, this is from "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade."
Huge nerd points for getting that. 

Training and nutrition are very much like religion. We know where we want to go; the guidelines that we should follow; the "rights" and "wrongs" of training. We practice our devotion daily and trust (or have faith, hence the picture) that what we are doing will get us closer to our goals even though there is NO guarantee that we will get there in the planned time or the planed same path. There is no perfect trajectory to the end; anything could happen and when it does we have to accept it as part of the process. 

To make things even more frustrating, none of us are on the same path. All these paths might converge at the end, but my path is completely different from yours. Meaning your training is and should be different from mine. This can be aggravating because there is always that voice of doubt in our mind slyly asking us "Are you sure you are doing the right thing?" 

My second law therefore is to "trust the process." Like my first rule of training, I have to remind myself almost daily to do so. Especially when I may have had a bad workout or am fed up with my numbers or, like recently, get injured, I have to throw up my hands and say to myself: "It may not look like it right now, but I am on the right path. Something will happen if I keep on working."

The end result is still unknown, but I can only pray that I will arrive in the "promised" land. It is that self doubt that will get me off the path. If I start thinking another path is better or will be faster, I start to stray from the path, but...that is just my two watts.

My Five Rules of Training: Rule 1: Never Compare

I am hardly a definite source of training, racing, nutrition, education, love, relationships (definitely on this one), happiness or pretty much any topic except maybe 90's kids movies and sitcoms (think Boy Meets World, Family Matters, Rookie of the Year, Angels in the Outfield, and The Pagemaster to name only a few).

However, I have developed my own rules of training that I hope you can find helpful. These are rules that I have to remind myself every so often to keep me, my ego, and mind in check and prevent them from sabotaging what really matters.

Most things are apples to oranges. I am more of an apple guy

NEVER EVER COMPARE YOURSELF: 

It is hard when training to not do this; it's hard in life too! I am not sure about you, but I have a horrible tendency to look at a workout and beat myself up that my normalized power was less, or I was not going as fast as I did last week or last year. The thing is though that mental commentary and criticism is pointless and does nothing. 

The world changes too quickly to compare yourself to anything in your past because you are not the same person that you were yesterday let alone last workout. There are so many different variables to consider that comparing yourself becomes futile. You may be more tired, the conditions could be worse, your coffee could have been weaker; your work/life/relationship stress could have stressed you out. The list of effects are endless, so forget the comparisons and focus on giving your best on the day for that particular workout; if that workout happens to be worse than one in the past then give what you got. Not every workout is going to be perfect.  

(Note: This is not to say that data is pointless; it is actually quite valuable. What is more important though is not the individual workouts but the overall trends.)    

It is even harder not to do compare yourself when you are training and some jerk completely decked out in an Ironman race kit (note that they do not stitch your place or time on these kits) comes racing by you when you, exhausted after 5 hours of intervals and hill repeats, are finishing up a ride, sputters "You know, just an easy zone 1 recovery ride" in between gasps of air, and then pedals off. After such encounters I usually think "Damn, he is fast; I wish I could be that..." then I catch myself. "I do not know him, nor what he has done today, nor what he has done this week in training, so it is POINTLESS to compare myself.

Then there is social media. When people post their workouts, how much they weigh, how much (or little) they ate, it is near impossible not to look and feel worthless. You may have just come in from an awesome workout where you hit all your goals then see John Shmoe-Pro (God, I hate him; he is such an ass!) did double that!  It makes me feel insignificant.

Once again I have to remind myself that this is just stupid talk. I did not think I or my workout was bad until I saw that post meaning it was my comparison that destroyed my high not the workout being bad itself. How irrational!

Overall, I need to focus on the only person I know for sure: me in this moment. I know where I have been, where I am, and a vague, blurry picture of the future, and thus am the only person who can judge.
Comparisons will not lead me to where I want to go; in fact, with all of their negativity and doubt inducing thought patterns, they might move me further away.

I think Marcus Aurelius says it pretty well:

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” 

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

As well as Daisaku Ikeda: 

“I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare [yourself] to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.” 

― Daisaku Ikeda, Discussions on Youth

#word...but that is just my two watts

My Lenten Discipline

While I may have a lot of Catholic guilt in my psyche, I am not Catholic. I think a lot of Christians and non Christians alike use lent as an excuse to crash diet for forty days without really knowing what it means or why; then, once Lent ends they go back to their old ways. Regardless, I do like following and participating in the season of Lent, the period of 40 days and 40 night leading up to Easter in which Christians usually refrain from a certain worldly pleasure (sex, sugar, alcohol, video games, etc.) to instead refocus on God. 

Collecting dust 

To me as not a believer in God in the traditional sense, it is time to examine what habits in my life are interfering with my life and connecting with my true, centered "self" (you could also call this my "higher power" but what ever floats your boat). It is also a time to prove that I am stronger than my urges. 

The typical disciplines of giving up sweets, caffeine, or meat, were tempting to go to but these things are not hurting my life or performance. I have entered into a heavy training block right now so changing up my diet significantly would hurt my training homeostasis; I can play with my diet in the offseason. Moreover, I do not think I would learn anything from giving any of these up. 

After thinking about  this further and analyzing what bad habits I have, I settled on weighing myself and my food as well as counting calories. This may seem like a piece of cake for some  but for someone who has weighed himself and micromanaged food for years, it was and is a struggle. 

It was especially hard at first. I actually had to cannibalize the batteries for my Quarq to prevent me from cheating. I was so used to plugging in every calorie into a database and managing my macros. After about 3 days though, I began to ease up. I forgot about trying to do the math in my head and instead listened to what my body was craving. I did not have to worry about the bottom line or percentages instead could focus on what my body wanted. I also did not have to worry about recording my slipups on paper. If I had a cookie or two post workout, I did not have to see it glaring back at me in my log after. 

Weighing myself too was tough but once I got used to it,  my mind stopped focusing on the number and instead strictly on my performance. The number on the power meter mattered more than one on the scale. 

I have only had a couple slip ups: one when I had to get my DEXA scan done, once time during my heavy training week when I wanted to see how much water weight I lost during  long ride, and once when I had to track my calories for my nutritionist but besides that I have stepped away from the scales completely. In doing so, I have felt that the scales have tilted in my favor. 

Overall my anxiety is down; I am enjoying myself more; I am listening to my body and what it needs. With just under two weeks to go to Easter I know that I can finish this challenge strong. I am not sure yet whether I will give it up completely but this experiment has been a good thing as I continue to move forward on this journey. 

Mind Bender

My apologies for not having  posted in quite some time. Life has gotten very hectic since the end of January so I have kept my head down, my nose clean, and focused on work and training. I will discuss many of those changes in later posts when they solidify a bit more but today I want to talk about a change that has been going on since the Fall.

As some of you know my weight has skyrocketed since September. I weighed around 128 then; now I weigh in at 145 lbs! That is HUGE gain, and I have been freaking out. An almost 20 lb gain is a lot in 5 months time. Moreover it is showing in my training: my swim has improved, my FTP has jumped, but unfortunately my run has slowed. I was still able to run a 1:17 half at the beginning of February but it was a greater effort hauling all that weight. Further, my easy pace as become a shuffle. This increase in weight most likely led to my quad and hip flexor strain as well since my body is simply not used to carrying so much.

What is really weird and yet comforting is that it is almost all muscle! I did a DEXA scan last week which is the gold standard for body composition analysis. It came out at 7.8% including organs! My ultra sound measurements confirm these findings and my clothes still fit with the exception of my sleeves on my small cycling jerseys, my tri kit whose legs are too tight now around the quads, and my favorite Amrita bar t shirt, which has now become a muscle shirt.

While these findings are nice to know, I still struggle with this image. I now have more of a triathlete body instead of a runner's body. My quads are more trunk like and my upper body is broader. Gone are the days of pencil arms and a flat chest. It is hard though for me to get used to this. For so long, I have wanted a triathlete's body but now that it is here I am not sure if I like it or not.

A sonogram of my waist. The white line on top is fat

What has helped me calm my mind is looking at the other benefits of having this higher weight:

• I am sick less often
• I have higher power on the bike
• I no longer have the strength of a middle school girl 
• I look like an athlete

Overall, I have to remind myself that the ideal body is that which will help me achieve my goals and race/train to the fullest and consistently without getting sick and having to take two or three days to fully recover.

As far as my run goes, my body needs to adapt to this higher weight. It is not used to dragging and cooling so much muscle. The speed will return I just have to be patient and start shifting my mind from "anorexic=fast" runner to "let's kick ass" triathlete but that is just my two watts.

Confucius says a lot of things

Bring It On!

"Where were you Gandalf?"

"Looking ahead"
"And what brought you back just in time?"
"Looking behind"

Alright, I just scored some serious nerd points on that "Hobbit" reference, but since today is New Year's day, I think invoking Tolkien and doing exactly what Gandalf does is a good way to start 2014. Thus, like every other blogger and her training partner, I am reflecting back on 2013 and thinking about 2014. Hopefully this post will be a bit different from the rest and you actually find something in here to take away and improve your 2014. If not, hopefully I have not wasted too much of the year for you. You could say that this post is more for my mental benefit than yours, but read on if you wish. You may pick up a few thing to help you with your goals.

2013: 

"Looking at the world through my rearview

Searching for an answer up high

Or is it all wasted time?" B.o.B "Just a Sign" 

Honestly, 2013 was certainly not wasted and was an interesting year for me to say the least. The best way to describe it would be a "developmental year." Personally, I went through a great deal, none of which I really expected on January 1st 2013. First of all, I had no idea I would move to Arizona or become a teacher. Those two were controlled entirely by fate (or for you Latin and theologians out there, "fortuna"), and I am awfully glad she dealt me a good card. I love my new life in the warm and sunny climate of the South West, and even though the toils are much and fruits few (another geeky Latin reference), life has progressed pretty well.

2013 has also been a developmental year in my triathlon training. I had some good races (Galveston and Syracuse) and load more duds (Knoxville, Quassy, and Vegas). When one changes professions and moves cross country, it is only to be expected that you cannot train as consistently or as well as you would like. With that said, I would say I am fitter than I ever have been. I am up five pounds of muscle while maintaining 5% body fat, increased my FTP by 20 watts, took 20 seconds off my 100m swim interval, and still can do a decent mile. Touch wood I am injury free too. My health score and gut health seem to be good, and my hormones seem to have adjusted well to the new stresses of life and increased training. I think my greatest health achievement of 2013 was finally getting off the juice (i.e. Diet soda) and the white stuff (artificial sweetener). I still have cravings but am looking forward to remaining clean in 2014.

I loved being a member of the Wattie Inc. team and partnering with Amrita Bars in 2013 and thankfully will continue these relationships moving forward into 2014.



2014:

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."

Thomas Jefferson 

2014 also looks to be an interesting developmental year. I am aging up to the 25-29 age group, which will bring a lot of new challenges and competition. Welcome to the big leagues, junior! It looks like 2014 is going to be full of 3:00am swims, post work trainer rides, foam roller dates (the only dates I seem to be able to get these days), all day Saturday adventures, and Sunday Fundays. With the stress of teaching and aging up, I am only doing two races, Eagleman and IM Boulder, which will be my first full Ironman. However, both of these races bring the opportunity for Kona qualification. I know that this is a long long shot, but who knows. If Kim Cardashian can get married to Kanye West, who knows what could happen! To all those doubting demons in my head: "BRING IT ON!"

Health wise, I am going to continue to tweak my diet by increasing my plant consumption and becoming more metabolically efficient. As far as my weight, I will let my training, fitness, and racing dictate that. If I gain weight but am faster, then the number does not matter. What I refuse to do in 2014 is to cut calories that is soooo 2008.

I am also now going to be coaching in 2014. I recently became a certified Beach Body coach. This will be a topic of future posts of course, but as much of a gimmick as Beach Body, P90x 1-3, Insanity, and the like are, I believe that I can through these programs (of course they need some modifications) help triathletes and anyone else who wants to improve their body and fitness. If you are interested let me know, I will be more than happy to talk to you about how it can help you. If not, I will not try to sell it or convince you otherwise. Later on in 2014, I am also going to be launching a regular coaching program for a select few but that is down the road. For now let me leave you with this:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

~Buddha~ 

The Health Nut and Triathlete's Guide to the Ins and Outs of 2013 and2014

Every New Years Day, the Washington Post Style section posts an "In/Out" list that examines the trends in 2013 and 2014 to see what is hot and what is not. Since they like to focus on clothing and fashion, there is not much about health, fitness, triathlons, food, or "nerdom" on the list, so most of what they list escapes me. I have no idea what they are talking about the majority of the time.

With that said, I decided to do my own take on this on things I noticed in 2013 and what may or may not continue in 2014. I collected these using the best non-scientific and statistical research out there which is highly unreliable with a large margin of error.  With that said, please feel free to comment on anything I missed or exaggerated:

• Justin Bieber hit his high (or lowest) point in 2013 and now has recently decided to retire only to be replaced by One Direction. I will not comment on whether this is good or bad, but let me just say I am out of tissues currently in my house. 
• Built up shoes: despite the push to go minimalist, which started in around 2011 and is not dead yet, the advent of Hoka running shoes shows a swing back to the running shoe companies. Maybe we were "born to run" in shoes afterall. Neither shoe trend is for me but they have gotten popular.
• Paleo, HFLC, and Ketogenic diets: High carb diets definitely died in 2013 to be replaced with high fat, low carb diets. Atkins seems to have been reincarnated into a triathlete. think this will only continue to gain popularity in 2014. What is needed in 2014 though is some research beyond anecdotes that shows its efficacy or lack there of in elite athletes in particular younger ones. Joe Friel says he is a convert when it comes to health but what about speed.
• Cleanses: Speaking of diet, I am seeing more and more people do a 30 day cleanse or detox diet. I think I will stick with veggies and the sweet tones of Michael Bolton to cleanse my body and soul.
• UCAN, Bonk Breaker, Amrita bars, Energy bits and more "natural" fuels: The original Powerbar which had the consistency of laffy taffy but the taste of an awesome chocolate bar has seemed to have died. One redeeming factor of these was that they stuck perfectly to your bike without the need of duct tape. Over the course of this year though Powerbar has released a new natural energy blend product that is part gel, part fruit. In my opinion, this is only a sign of the changing times of people looking for more natural forms of energy. Similarly, companies like Bonk Breaker and Amrita bars are offering great gluten and sometimes grain free products. Generation UCAN also seems to be gaining traction as people turn away from traditional carbs. 

• Bulletproof coffee: This maybe just a trend but it definitely is a popular in the endurance community. I may drink a cup in 2014 and run through Anacostia or downtown Phoenix just to see if it works better than Kevlar. Honestly, I still like my coffee like I like my woman: tall, strong, and blonde with no need for artificial sweetness
• "Bio-Hacking:" Along the same lines as the above, more people are looking into nifty shortcuts to improve their health and fitness. Whether its cold thermogenesis, genome sequencing, electro pulse stimulation, or intermittent fasting people are definitely going to extremes to gain every last advantage. I will stick to hard work and sweat  
• Heart Rate Variability: Even though Phil Maffetone talked about it many years ago in his "Big Book of Endurance," with the advent of apps like Sweetbeat HRV has gained traction. While I definitely see the value of it, I am not sure I am willing to take the plunge and base whether I workout or not solely on a number. To some extent, there is value in pushing through fatigue some days. (Note: repeatedly pushing through fatigue day after day is not smart, which is when I like to use  HRV to prevent chronic stress.) 
• Tailless aero helmets: the old sperm helmet seems to be dying a slow death as a tailless aero helmet seems to be taking its place.
  
• Ultras: whether it is ultra runs (like 26.2 was not enough) or multi day Ironmans, people are going longer and longer (and slower). I am not ready to make the jump till I have maxed out my speed in an Ironman
• Spartan races, mud runs, color runs, zombie runs i.e. long, adult parades that you pay to get into: These are just not my style, but if they are for you, then enjoy! They seem to be gaining popularity and more races are popping up. Just based on the number of selfies posted on Facebook and Twitter of people at these events, people seem to love them; at least it's something active, fun and constructive.  
  
• "God Damn Independents" (If you went to Sewanee you will get that joke): Indies have grown in force and are reproducing like rabbits. Dare I say this has reached epidemic proportions. There are just too many twenty-somethings riding fixed geared bikes of clashing outlandish colors, with odd but perfectly manicured facial hair, Ray Bands frames without the lenses, skinny jeans, and Good Will sweaters pulling up to Starbucks to work on their "thesis"/"book"/ "blog" on Apple computers and listen to indie bands on their beats by Dre head phones. Ooops I just described my life.   
• Duck Dynasty: never heard of it till the most recent scandal, but apparently it was big so I will include it. Regardless of whether you support what he said or not, you have to give him props for his ability to grow that beard. If only I had that skill. 

Based on what 2013 dished out 2014 looks to be even more interesting.

Did I forget anything? 

The weight of weight

I weigh myself daily. Why? I am not exactly sure. I have done so for the past 10 years. I remember when my grandmother passed away, my mother asked me what I would like from her house. I immediately said, "Her scale." You can see a) where and from which genes I got my obsession and b) how obsessed I was from an early age with body image. 

Currently I have a pretty high tech scale that spits out my weight, body fat percentage, hydration, muscle mass, and most likely my horoscope and the odds on the Redskins' game (that last one is easy since they always lose). At this point in my recovery it's a force of habit rather than an actual need. 

It fluctuates more than the stock market 

What is different now from when I was struggling with my ED is that while I still weigh myself, I make sure that the numbers do not affect my mood, actions, or thoughts.  After all, they are just numbers and, in reality, how your body is interacting with gravity on that day.

People, doctors, health care "professionals," and insurance companies obsess about weight and the number on the scale, and for understandable reasons. There is a strong correlation between health and weight, but honestly, one's weight is just one piece of the health jigsaw puzzle. The number leaves a lot out. It does not show body fat percentage, which is a better indicator of health, gut health, mental well being, muscle mass, or, most importantly, psychological peace. 

What I am currently struggling with is what weight is the best for me? While I am heavier now than I have ever been, I am also healthier and happier, which are definitely important. I am not sure though whether I am faster now than I was. Moreover, will I be faster at an even heavier weight? (I have no idea honestly but would love to hear your thoughts)

The best weight is the weight that optimizes your well being both mentally and physically. The same applies to race weight--the weight at which you perform best. If you are too light, you will fade too quickly and if you do finish then you cannot recover as quickly to race again. If you weigh too much (both fat and muscle), though, the extra pounds will slow you down. 

Weight also affects psychological health. If your weight is too low OR too high (interestingly both sides of the bell curve have similar symptoms), you will feel miserable, tired, cranky, etc. 

The number can be approximated by matching it with power to weight ratio numbers and body composition numbers. However, the only way to know your race weight is to experiment with different weights and find the one at which you race the fastest and recover equally well.

All of the numbers though mean NOTHING if you do not have the psyche to back it up. I could be at my "ideal" weight with ideal power numbers and ideal body composition, but if my mind, drive and motivation are not there, then it is meaningless. Those things out weigh any numbers from the scale....but that's just my two watts...

My Jewish Grandma

I think I have either Catholic or Jewish genes somewhere in my genome because I have a huge guilt complex especially when it comes to food and training.

If I eat a food I "should not" indulge in or skip a workout that I know I "should do," then I feel guilty. It does not stop there though. I continue to beat myself up sometimes for hours (maybe even days) after.

"Why the Hell did you eat that, Chris? Now you are going to get fat and slow..."

"You know, Chris. You should have really done that workout. Now you going to get fat and slow..."

Sound familiar? That little Jewish grandmother in my head has quite a critical eye.

I have to admit that my Bubbe is a pretty good inhibitor. Whenever I feel like I should reach for that doughnut in the teachers' lounge or that diet coke, my sweet little Bubbe will say "Now Christopher, you know what that will do your swim times. Oy!" So I remove my hand as if it had been slapped.

Honestly though, I do not like my Bubbe. I feel like food regardless of health should never make you feel guilty. Food is not inherently guilty or virtuous. It is we who assign these labels--labels that are completely subjective and arbitrary. As a side note, foods labeled as guilt free are already guilt free (ironically, it are these food that are labeled that we should be most careful of).

As we head into the Thanksgiving Holiday, I am trying to silence my Bubbe even though she is "family." If I eat something(s) that I know are not the greatest for me then that will be alright. I should not ruminate upon them but rather savor them. If I decide to refrain from eating something it will not be because my Bubbe told me not to or because of guilt but rather because it does not make me feel optimal. And on Thanksgiving, I want to be optimal since that feeling is something to be thankful for...but that's just my two watts.

We are going to pump you up!

As I mentioned before in a previous post, this pre-season (a better name than off season), I am focusing a lot of time and energy on strength. Whether it is doing butterfly in the pool (I look more like I am twerking), doing hill repeats on the bike, or starting to trail run, my schedule emphasizes gaining muscle and making body and mind strong (insert: like bull).

Got a little too wild and crazy at a party...

This focus is essential for a good season next year. With my runner's build, it is hard for me to keep up with the big boys on the bike and my races suffer because of it. While I can put out a 4.0 watt/kg HIM race output, it is only a 240 watts compared to everyone else who can do much much more. Consequently, I have been proverbially hitting the weights to improve this deficit.

Going to the weight room is a little intimidating to be honest. At my gym in "Snottsdale," there are athlete whose biceps are the size of my waist. I walked past one person yesterday who had my body weight just on one side of bar. There are women whose diamond rings may weigh more than the dumbbell. Some are made of more plastic than the Barbie Doll that they are trying to look like. There are the high school athletes with full beards. Then there is little pipe arm me feeling like a mix between Spongebob:

  

And Homer Simpson: 

I have always enjoyed weight lifting in the past. I find it an awesome switch up from my normal swim/bike/run routine. It has also been a struggle for me mentally to do because of a deep dark, still ingrained fear that I am going to gain weight. 

Then I had one of those "Duoh! What have I been thinking? Of course!" moments this past week. As I stepped on the scale, it occurred to me that I actually want my weight to go up. Say WHAT?! Yep you read correctly: up. 

My "Health" score compliments of my gym

If the number on the scale goes down then that means my body is

sacrificing muscle. I am so lean right now at 3% body fat that any significant decrease on the scale most likely is a canniblization of muscle, the exact opposite of what I want. I have hit rock bottom or to paraphrase Drake, I am starting from the bottom and hopefully will get there.  

Talk about a 180 degree reversal of thinking! 

I am still struggling with my fear that if the number does go up then my run will suffer. My run has always been my strength  but will it continue to be, if I gain 10 more muscle mass like I am supposed to?

Since September of last year I have gained 10 lbs of muscle going from 125 to 135, and while I have not really improved per se in my races, I would say I am healthier and happier overall. I am recovering better from workouts, am sick less often, and most likely have better thyroid function.  

The only way to know though is to take the leap and hope for the best. Looking at the "data" out in the real world, there are plenty of triathletes who have raced 2:50 Ironman marathon splits while being 140-160 lbs but not many that are 135 except some select women.

Just because I am weight lifting does not mean that I am going to look like the 'roided up guys around me. Strength is not about size it is about how many neurons connected to your muscles can be recruited and utilized multiple times with the same force over the course of (hopefully in my case next year) 9 hours and 30 minutes or less. It is also about holding your form over the course of training without breaking down and keeping you injury free all season long...but that is just my two watts.

What are your thoughts? Do you follow a specific lifting/strength program? Has it helped? If so how? Leave your thoughts and comments bellow, I would love to hear them.

The F word

I have a confession: sometimes when I walk down the street, shop at the grocery store, or am biking around Phoenix and I see a person who is obviously overweight, I immediately think to myself: "Wow, that person is F-A-T!" I am ashamed to admit it even if that person really is overweight. 

Should we call these people out on their weight? What should we think about them? Should we judge them and say: "Why can't they just loose weight?" If we see them in the grocery store and judge them for what they put into their cart. "You really should not be eating those chips or drinking that cola." Maybe we should go up to them and say "You should really lose some weight" or give them diet advice. Even if we do not say it, are thoughts just as bad as actions? 

As a person who was teased for the majority of his elementary school and all of his middle school years for being fat, I feel ashamed to think the same thoughts that my bullies thought when they saw me. 

The thing that bothers me with these thoughts are that they are so automatic for me and society in general. Pictures of fat people on Facebook continue to pop up, and the reaction is usually mixed.  For example, back in the summer, the above picture of a man falling off his automatic scooter as he reaches for a pack of soda made the rounds on Facebook and the inter webs. 

Comments were all over the place from "What a loser" to "What has America become" to "He[?] is so pathetic" and finally "Why doesn't he lose some f-ing weight!"

Honestly I did not know what to think when I saw this picture. My emotions were mixed and torn between "Wow, I am glad I am not like that" to "I hope he is alright." 

I thought about my reaction to these situations and I realized why they occur. For me, I think that they pop up so automatically because seeing those pictures or people makes me feel insecure about myself. I am still afraid of becoming like that or like them, that I put up this wall of humor and ridicule to separate myself from that pain as much as possible. I create an illusionary "self." They are different from me; I am somehow better than they are. Both of these statements are obviously not true.

They suffer just like I do. They have feelings just like I do, so instead of seeing their differences, I should greet them with compassion and an open heart. That is all I can do to help them. Criticizing whether in my own mind or to their face does nothing but build walls between me and them and inflates an artificial ego.  

My initial reaction of disgust is not the problem until I begin to nurse and entertain these thoughts further instead of simply letting them go. Hopefully in time and with mindful practice, I will eliminate my own fears of being overweight and with them, these thoughts. Then, I can remove at least that F word from my vocabulary. The other f word is entirely fair game though...but thats just my two watts. 

I would love to hear your comments on this, so message me, leave them on facebook, twitter, or below. 

Putting Life into Living

One of my favorite podcasts is Vinnie Tortorich's "The Angriest Trainer Podcast." Whether you are low carb/ high fat, No Sugar, No Grains (NSNG), vegan, vegan curious, fruitarian, or a flexitarian, this podcast is worth a listen. In addition to some great Rocky quotes, I  always get at least one bit of interesting info (either health related or something completely different) and of course a good laugh. While Vinnie touts the importance of a NSNG diet, he frequently uses his tag line "put life into living and do it with enthusiasm." Many interpret this as that it is alright to sometimes break the NSNG (or dietary) "restrictions"*** and have a treat for a special occasion like a birthday party or celebration. After all, to quote Vinnie once more

"It's not what you eat between Christmas and New Years. It is what you eat between New Years and Christmas."

Bottoms up and lights out

I am not sure if I take this interpretation though. I put life into living in a different way. Yes, food and libations enrich life and experiences, but they can also take away.
 For example, if I am at a bar or party and I have a drink, I am out for the night. Some people get happy when they drink, others get touchy-feely, and others get mad. I am what they call a tired drunk. A few sips and I need to go to bed. Needless to say, I have the tolerance of a high school cheerleader on Prozac; even Diet Coke gives me a buzz. If I put life into living with a drink, consequently, I actually enjoy life less than if I had refrained and stuck with my typical lifestyle. These moments of life into living set me back so much they are not worth having.

In the same way, if I have a piece of candy, a soy latte, or sweets, I feel disgusting afterwards.It may taste good for five seconds, but for the next five hours, Willy Wonka gets his revenge ("Augustus leave some for later"). I am craving those sweets long after the enjoyment has worn off. It's all that I can think about. Then I get really cranky, tired, and hungry--hungry enough to even go dumpster diving. I pretty much turn into Oscar the Grouch.  Is that living? No.

Indulgent food and drink are enjoyable. They taste good, they make us feel good, and we do not get called out at parties for being the odd ball who orders soda water and raw vegetables. In my opinion though (this phrase is critical because everyone is different),  the social event would be more enjoyable for the experience itself and the memory rather than the food or drink. 20 years from now I will remember having a blast, but chances are I will not remember what I ate or drank.


I put life into living by putting my energy into the experience itself and enjoying every single moment with a clear mind and not one that is in a brain fog from what I have eaten or drunk. Moreover, I enjoy living by having a clear memory of what has happened and no guilt, remorse, or regrets about what I did. Some (bless them) can still have a great time despite having drunken lots or eaten lots; their lives continue as normal if not better. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, but that is alright.


One of the problems and indicators of an eating disorder is avoiding social situations because of the fear of food or eating in public. I did this all the time. I would feign sickness to avoid parties where I would not be able to control the food being served. When people would ask me out for dinner and I did not know what was going to be on the menu I would stay home and "enjoy"  a calorie restricted meal (emmmm lean pockets) instead. Hardly what I call living. Now I jump on the opportunity to go out regardless of what food is there; food should and will not dictate whether I go out or not. What crosses my mind instead is "will this be a fun time?" If there is food that I want to eat there then I will eat it but that is not the main focus. I may eat before I go out or bring my own, so that it does not become an issue and I can enjoy myself to the fullest.

Creating those experiences is what I call living and I am going to do it with enthusiasm....but that's just my two watts.

How do you put life into living? 

***(I am not big on this word because as I mentioned in my previous post, my changes in diet have liberated me from the restrictions of fatigue, brain fog, and cravings) 

My solution to the triathlete's body paradox

Like the majority of the triathlon community I was "glued" to Kona coverage the other day. Since I cannot watch races without getting anxious to train myself, I had a friend message me updates as I rode my bike and dreamed of being there myself.  It was one inspiring race.

Also like the majority of the triathlon community, I have the pipe dream of getting to the big island one day and competing with the best. However, I do not just want to participate, I want to really compete. The Europeans, the Aussies, and the Kiwis, have dominated the podium for too long and one of my dreams is to bring back some American presence. It is definitely a far flung and crazy dream, but we can all dream, can't we?

I know already it is going to take a boat load of work, preparation and literally years of training before I can even fathom not only getting there but being able to post those crazy fast times. With that said the gauntlet has been thrown down, the challenge has been made, and I pity the fool (or mental demon) who tries to stand in my way.  Kona 2024!

Alas I digress and now back to more important matters...

Rockin' the W! 

What I actually found more interesting than the race itself was the festivities surrounding the race most prominently the underpants run. For those who do not know, every year, competitors and spectators alike run down the main street in virtually nothing but flashy underwear/multi colored fig leaves. Usually this would raise eyebrows and cause gag reflexes, but those running are world class athletes so their bodies are ripped (for the most part). I am talking about Men's Health and Fitness magazine shape but with no airbrushing. All natural, which is even more amazing! I did not even have to be there to feel self-conscious; the facebook posts were enough to make me feel uncomfortable and start doing crunches on the floor.

Now fast forward to the finish line. The winners of the race were not the ones who had the greatest bodies. They did not have ripped six packs nor a v shaped torso nor sub 5% body fat. They actually looked fairly normal. Don't get me wrong here. Van Lierde who won is one of the the fittest men in the world!

Photo by Nils Nilsen via Ironman.com

It makes you-well at least it makes me--wonder is it possible to have an awesome body and still race incredibly, pro-level fast? Moreover, which would you rather have? The body or the speed? Its a paradox.

I think it is possible to have both but not by doing crunches or training 30 hours a week. That strength pales in comparison to developing mental strength. If your mind is strong and comfortable in your body perception, then both the body and the speed will come, but that is just my two watts.

So Rich Roll, Kanye West, and the Buddha walk into a bar,

One of my favorite songs is Kanye West's "Jesus Walks," especially because of the opening lines:

"We at war with terrorism, racism, and most of all we at war with ourselves..." 

A lot of people are at war with themselves. They do not love themselves nor respect themselves and as a result they do not care for themselves as they should. Even people (maybe even especially people) who have lots of success--you know the type: the ones who look practically perfect with the six pack abs and the v shaped torso, the expensive car, the trophy case, the expensive bike--- I am not sure whether they love themselves or not. Some of them may, which is great and I would love to see more of them like that, but the more glitz and glamor a person has, the more I question because, honestly, I was once one of them.

Back in the day (and periodically now and then) I hated the way I looked, so I literally declared chemical warfare on my own body. Armed with Splenda packets, diet coke, cereal, soy, and all the "fat free" products I could find. All the chemicals and unnatural (the only thing "natural" about them were the labels that said they were) in these foods nuked my gut, adrenals and body.

But doing this, only made me hate myself more. The more I found flaws in myself whether on the scale or on the cross country course, the more I had to hate myself, and the more wars I fought. Finally my inner conscious had to throw up a white flag of truce. I was getting no where but worse. The numbers on the scale were definitely lower, but so was everything else in my life. I was tired the majority of the day, I was irritable, and cranky, and my performance was suffering. All because I was uncomfortable in my own skin.  

To paraphrase the Buddha, unless you love yourself, are comfortable in your own skin, and confident in the natural gifts you posses in the present moment, you will go no where in training and more importantly in life.

Let say I did get hit that magical number on the scale, or the ideal power output, or that killer PR in my next HIM. What is it worth if I do not love the life that got me there. I will continue to chase the next thing, then the next thing, and so on.

However, if I feel truly am confident and loving with my body, the end does not become the objective. Rather the journey does, and just based on time, the majority of life is the journey with only a few seconds or milliseconds of "finish." (this is debatable since there really is not ends, just points along the way but I do not want to get all hippy-dippy, eastern philosopher on your ass now so I will leave that for another post).  

Fast forward 1500 years from Buddha to Rich Roll, who also put a similar message in his recent newsletter:

Now that is deep...but thats just my two watts. 

Thinking with my Gut.

The point of this post is not to give you advice on what to eat, how to eat, or even to eat. It is not based on scientific research; it is just a case study on me about what I found. It is not supposed to cure any diseases, ailments, or maladies, but it has helped in my own healing process and road to recovery. Will it do the same for you? No idea. I hope, however, by posting this that you will not only get a few laughs but also, if you are struggling with similar mental and physical problems, you will open your mind to the possibility of change and that change can and does come. 

As I mentioned in a previous post I am changing up my nutrition drastically. Why? I feel like my nutrition is limiting my performance and my life. Since recovering from my last ED relapse, I have been tweaking not only what I eat but also, and more importantly, my perspective on eating.

The key component in changing my perspective on eating is changing what I ate. Everything else, including how I feel about food, how I feel about myself, and even how I related to others, falls into place by changing up my diet.

Let me take you on my journey here:

When I was in the iron grip of my eating disorder. All I thought about was eating. What and when was I going to eat next? How many calories? Would that make me fat? Would that cause inflammation? Would that spike my blood sugar levels? What would people think? Essentially I was obsessed and living in a perpetually state of fear. Living in fear is no way to live a life. I needed a change.

Gradually over the past few years I have experimented with different styles of eating.

Originally I was a card carrying vegetarian, eating no meat but was what people like to call a junk food veggie. Every day, I would eat
bowls of Kashi (the old people on the box were my best friends), a few low fat, whole grain sandwiches with fat free cream cheese and faux, soy tofurkey slices, diet coke, coffee with Splenda and soy milk, and gas station protein bars, which are, let's be honest here, candy bars with protein added.

This diet worked for some time but I began to feel lethargic especially in the afternoon and I needed to eat every two hours or I would get really grumpy and when I say grumpy I mean that I would tear your head off if you talked to me or came in between me and my Diet Coke and fat free ice cream float. In workouts, I was fine as long as I ate. I would eat before, then again twenty minutes in, then another hour I would need something else, and then I would need something more just to get to the finish. When I finished I felt like I could eat a fridge. I was also thinking about food even more than I was when I was anorexic. Instead of liberating myself, I had just added another shackle.

Yep, she has higher
T levels. 

My symptoms of lethargy got worse and worse and I also found that I was not recovering from workouts. It got to the point that I went to see my doctor. It turns out that I was anemic and had low testosterone.
The doctor literally told me that the old women sitting in the waiting room had higher levels of T than I did. I obviously needed a change.

That is when I discovered and began to explore podcasts like Ben Greenfield, Rich Roll, and
Vinnie Tortorich (America’s Angriest Trainer). They were preaching the total opposite of what I had been doing, and if I learned anything from Seinfeld, if something was not working, do the opposite.

Instead of a diet based on grains like I had been doing, they were saying that I should base my diet on fat. Say what? Fat makes you fat! How can this be? They must be talking cray cray.

The other book I high recommend. 

Vinnie's book, which is one of most inspiring
and inspirational that I have read

But honestly they were for real real.

I remember when this first came out

I first had to start to break my phobia of fat, which was VERY hard. I had grown up in an era of low fat—that wonderful time they called the “’90s”. Fat was evil, fat made you fat, no yolks and all whites, fat free foods were “healthier” than high fat, go skim not whole, it was healthy if it was low in fat.

However, the science behind this lifestyle supported why else I was feeling like crap. The soy in my diet was raising my estrogen levels and lowering my testosterone. The grains too were blocking the absorption of key nutrients like iron, which was causing my anemia. Pair that with a lack of meat in my diet and it was a perfect storm for poor performance. Moreover the grains and artificial sweeteners, were affecting my blood sugar in such a way that I was craving food all the time. Even my depression was related to what I was eating. I have not seen any scientific studies, but in my opinion, the high carb diet and lack of fat was messing with my emotions. Everything was interrelated and everything was stemming from what I was eating.

Obviously the change did not happen overnight. It actually took over 18 months and I am still finding things to tweak.

1.    My first step was take out the cereal. No more Kashi, no more Fiber One, no more “Total.” This was the hard considering it had been a staple of my diet since high school, but after listening to how soy and grains can actually decrease T and boost estrogen. It had to go.

2.    After cutting out the cereal (I became a cereal killer, get it? Sorry last bad joke of the day), it only made sense to cut out bread too. I read Wheat Belly which was eye opening. Moreover, my doctor had told me that eating these can block nutrient absorption and cause anemia in certain people. Out!

3.    Without cereal, I had a bunch of soymilk in my fridge, and it would stay right there because I switched to unsweetened almond and coconut milk, which will not spike my estrogen levels.

4.    Speaking of anemia, I realized I needed to bring meat back into my diet. THIS was tough. I became vegetarian for lots of reasons. Believe or not it was to get a girl (Long story for another post) but it was also to lose weight and restrict my eating as much as possible. Over time though it became to stay healthy and also because of animal cruelty. Unfortunately and obviously, I was not staying healthy though, so I had to change that. I may not have been killing an animal but I was killing myself. I began eating meat and fish again but made sure it was organic and humanely treated. If I had to eat it, it better taste good and come from a trusted source.

5.    At this point, I was focusing on trying to get back to natural eating as much as possible. “Nutritional” bars and meal replacements, were as far away from nature as possible, so they go the ax. Sorry Special K. The stock of Kellogg and General Mills actually fell 7% the day I quit. Not sure if that is just correlation or causation.

6. Diet coke, my other vice, was also out. Believe it or not, I do not miss it that much. I love my self more than I love it. As long as I stay hydrated I keep the cravings at bay. Coke's stock also fell that day by 2%. 

So that is a lot of negatives, let’s add some positives. What did I add in? A lot of stuff. 

1.  I started eating nuts more—not the salted, roasted, and sugar coated ones but the raw ones; coconut in all its many beautiful forms including milk, flakes, and butter; avocado, that beautiful nut, and maybe the athlete’s best friend. I am currently pounding two a day in smoothies and salads; chia seeds and flax seeds are a must to make pudding.
2. Egg yolks- Before Subway and McDonalds made it “cool” I always ate my eggs white. No yolk at all.
3. Sardines and other fish-much to the chagrin of my coworkers. I now only eat it at home when I am alone so that others do not have to smell it.

Of course my veggie intake did not remain the same. It actually increased! Veggies now are the base and foundation of every meal. 

My diet was looking clean but it still had lots of holes that I needed to plug. Prominently was my use of artificial sweeteners. Now this was a huge hurdle. I was a chronic user (scratch that, I meant abuser) of this sweet stuff. It was my anorexic’s cocaine. I put it in everything! I carried around a plastic baggie with the stuff just in case I would go somewhere and they would not have it. I would take it from restaurants like I was an old lady. Yep, I had a problem. I eventually switched to stevia, which was slightly better but I was still hooked on the sweet stuff. Thus, two weeks ago, the last domino fell. I took out all the “s” from my diet: “No sugar, no sweetener, no stevia, no shit!”

The first couple days were rough. Really rough. I had to break all the habits that I had formed for over 10 years. I had to stop reaching for the packets when I poured myself some coffee or expect it to taste sweet or expect anything to be sweet. After about three days though it began to get easier. The baristas at Starbucks stopped asking me if I wanted my usual. “No, just strong, tall, and blonde” (like my women).

SO that was a long post, but I hope you got something out of it. Remember though, to change the world outside, you must first change the world inside but thats just my two watts.